The Milk of Human Kindness

Something strange happened yesterday, and I still haven’t determined if I am pleased or not. We were all in the barn during the afternoon, because the smoke monsters were dragging the arenas. Lucky and Pebbles were being brushed in the aisle, and my human was cleaning tack on the big center rack. Trooper was dozing in his stall when his young human rushed into the barn squealing with excitement. All of the humans clustered around, looking at something she held. Then they hurriedly put Lucky and Pebbles back in their stalls and rushed out of the barn. We all looked at each other in confusion and Trooper was rather miffed that his human didn’t even greet him before rushing off.

The group returned shortly thereafter with a large box. They deposited this in the aisle and then scattered around looking for stuff. Thankfully, my stall had the door open, with the stall guard up, so I was able to stick my head out and see what was in the box.

Imagine my surprise to see several small versions of the cat beast! Oh horrors! I heard a nasty hissing overhead and looked up to see the cat beast staring down from the rafters with a very horrid look on his face. I re-examined the fuzzy balls in the box and I have to say they were intriguing. There were several colors, from solid black to one marked like a bay pinto pony. They had round little faces with bright eyes and pink noses. I looked from them to the cat beast overhead and can only determine that perhaps the cat beast had met with an accident earlier in his life, because there is no way he could have ever been that cute. He noticed my look and hissed at me; I now fear for my hay manger.

The humans returned, carrying towels, bottles of white stuff and chattering excitedly. From what I could understand Trooper’s human had found the small creatures known as KIT TINS (sp?) under a bush at the end of the farm drive; a wheeled rattletrap had killed their mother! (How sad!) The barn manager walked up and ooohhhed and ahhhhhed with the other humans; taking one of the little beasts into her hands to examine it.

I was horrified to see my human and Lucky’s human filling up the syringes with the white stuff from the bottle! Surely they weren’t going to stick the KIT TINS and fill them full of liquid. Everyone grabbed a syringe and picked up a KIT TIN and to my amazement stuck the end of the syringe in their mouths. The little creatures ceased mewing and were soon purring loudly and pawing their handlers. It was intriguing to watch, but I am grateful horses would not lower themselves to behave in such a manner. Soon all the humans were sitting on trunks or bales in the aisle, feeding their furry charges. I admit to a bit of jealousy watching my human croon over the little beast. There were seven of them and while I felt sorry for the loss of their mother, I did wonder what was going to happen to them once they were fed.

I glanced around and noticed the other horses pressed up against their stall fronts, staring at the baby creatures and the humans. I’m sure they were as mystified as me. When I listened into the humans’ conversation again I was appalled to find that they were claiming the KIT TINS and intended to keep them! My human was going to keep a KIT TIN! Had she no shame or loyalty? Trooper sighed and shook his great head, obviously resigned to the fickle and flittering affections of such a young human. He was resigned, but I was worried! How could my human choose another to love! I discounted her herdmate, because he rarely intruded into our alone time. I was heartbroken.

Once the little beasts were fed the humans replaced their chosen KIT TINS in the box, having to return to the care of us poor neglected horses. The barn manager said she would baby sit while the others rode. This confused me! Why go to the trouble to feed them if she was only going to sit on them later? How cruel! We were saddled quickly and left the barn area for a short trail ride. I’m afraid that Lucky, Trooper and I commenced eye rolling and snorting every time we heard about how cute the little beasts were. Pebbles eventually got so tired of us that she accused us of being a bunch of overgrown weanlings. As if!

We returned to the barn a rather subdued herd. We were quickly brushed and put away, while the barn help was rolling the big feed carts down the aisle. The barn manager stated that she was going to keep the last two KIT TINS, which no one else could take, as barn cats. Oh NO! Like we needed another cat beast in the barn. When she announced this the cat beast yowled and spat down at us. The barn manager called him a bad word and said some rude things about his ancestors.

My human approached my stall and held the little fuzzy creature up to the barns. I narrowed my eyes and looked at the hated thing. It was mostly black with white stockings, a blazed face and a black dot in the center of its pink nose. As I glared at it, it reached through the bars and brushed my face with its soft paw. Then it started purring again. I have to say my heart melted. It was cute, and quite helpless. I realized that a large noble horse, such as myself, had no right to be jealous of such a small needy creature. I nosed it again and it purred even louder. My human whickered a bit and then snuggled it closer. She also reached through the barns and patted me, then kissed my nose. Fickle creature, she was back in my good graces again!

The barn manager picked up the box with the remaining KIT TINS in it and carried it to the tack room, crooning and whispering to it as she walked. The cat beast made rude noises overhead, like he was hacking up a rather large hairball. He stalked down the aisle rafter, growling and swatting things with his paws. I almost sympathized with him until I remembered how he had stolen my journal. Served him right to have two new cat beasts in the barn!
It will be interesting to watch them grow. My human took hers back to the barn she lives in with her herdmate. I wonder how he will accept having another competitor for his affections. More later.

Unnatural Horsemanship

I have been remiss in my writing, but with good reason. The cat beast hid my journal! The foul creature has delighted in sneaking peeks into it and spreading my heartfelt thoughts and dreams all over the barn. I caught the little nasty beast pawing through my manager and nipped his tail quite hard. He retaliated and stole my journal, hiding it up in the loft. I got it back only because the cat beast had made our resident loft raccoon mad, and the masked brute returned my journal to me to spite the cat. Such is the sordid underworld of the barn.

Now that I have my journal back I can once again record my thoughts. I have reflected on my personal preferences lately and there is no doubt I am an “English” style horse. I much prefer the equipment, events, and even attire for my human. We have taken a few forays into other styles of riding, but I find them both heavy and restrictive or simply beneath my dignity. ( the bareback swimming I was recently subjected to is a prime example)
However, I’m not a snob. Some of my very good friends are western horses. Shorty is a personable fellow, despite his short bulky body. He’s a cheerful horse and has tolerated indignities that Trooper or I would never endure. For instance, his human frequently comes out to the barn wearing this long black coat. It almost drags the ground. This thing flaps in the wind like a crow’s wings and frequently startles horses with less fortitude than myself. He also wears a head covering that is like a mushroom and spurs that give me nightpeoples, although Shorty swears they are just for looks.

Shorty and his human frequently go to events involving cows and big gutted men that spit brown juice and talk with something my human refers to as a “twang”. They scare me and I live in fear that one will ask to ride me. Recently Shorty returned from one of their “events” and told Trooper, Lucky and I the oddest story. It seems that Shorty’s human enrolled in a “natural” horsemanship clinic. Is there “unnatural” horsemanship? We were all mystified.

Shorty explained. It seems that there is a human that believes that chasing a horse until it sweats and almost falls over in exhaustion is a good idea, and makes a bond between them. Lucky’s mouth hung open in a most unbecoming fashion upon hearing this. Lucky has seen a lot in his varied and disorganized life, but this was a new one to him.

Shorty elaborated further. Once the horse is exhausted and can run no further the human waved this stick around, trying to get the horse to respond to the stick. I’m afraid we were nothing but a herd of blank looks at this point, so confused were we by what he told us. Shorty snorted and continued. Once the human waved his stick enough to convince himself the horse was too tired to move he commenced to saddle and bridle the horse. This was done with a lot of talking and mystical allusions, most of which Shorty did not understand. Once the horse was tacked up the human mounted and prodded the horse into staggering around the ring. Several of the humans watching applauded and talked about how wonderful it was that a horse was trained in such a short time. Shorty said his human acted quite disgusted and refused to offer Shorty up as a “demo” horse, whatever that is.

We were mystified by such odd behavior and spent the rest of the afternoon trying to figure out why a human would act in such a manner. Usually humans want us to stand still so they can catch us. Shorty said he heard a few people express distaste for the method and say that is caused more problems than it solved. Shorty also expressed the opinion that most of the people that seemed raptly interested in it appeared to be new to being owned by horses. I can only hope my human does not take up this foolishness. I refused to be chased unto exhaustion just for some crazy training gimmick. If she wants to join up with me she needs to provide food. More Later.

The crazy things people do......

Trooper has a new human. The girl that he tried out really suited him so now she belongs to him.
She is cute, as humans go, and very polite and respectful of the rest of us. She had originally trained at another barn, but she moved over to this one after she realized Trooper would be happier around his old friends.

She came out to the barn the other day and brought another human female with her. This female was not a horse person, we could all tell in an instant, but she was professing love for us and wanted to meet her friend's new horse.

I try not to be a judgemental horse, but some of the things humans do to themselves are absolutely scary. This girl had at least three different colors in her hair and resembled a rainbow porcupine more than anything. That wasn't the worst of it. Her ears were layered with those metal dangly things that most human females wear, but they were bigger and more dangly. I can't imagine any self respecting horse poking holes in himself just for appearances.

The ear things were not the worst of it. Trooper and I were cross tied out in the aisle, facing each other, so I could see this human very clearly. She had a huge ring of metal through her lower lip and it sticking out quite far. It was big enough to clip a lead rope to, and indeed I wondered if that was the purpose. However, I have never seen a human led with a rope, so I suppose not.
Trooper and I were both trying to not stare. Shorty and Lucky had no such reservations. They were pressed up against the barns and whickering comments that had me hard put not to whinny with laughter. They are incorrigible!

Trooper's human seemed unaware of the potential danger that these metal dangly things could cause, but we horses knew that they were nothing but trouble.

We ended up in the lower round ring. My human was just giving me a light ride, and Trooper's human was merely stretching his legs, and showing him off for her friend. The moment all of us horses dreaded arrived and sure enough the friend wanted to sit on Trooper's back. She was wearing those open foot things and very short leg covers. It was not appropriate and I could see Trooper gritting his teeth. He'd been through this before.

Thankfully his human had the sense to lend her helmet to her friend. My human and I had halted so she could tighten the girth and we saw what happened quite clearly.

Trooper's human was giving her friend a leg up and typical of most beginners the friend leaned too far forward and dragged her front over the neck of the horse. Sadly for her Trooper has a very thick mane and her lip ring hung in it. Her weight was pushing her over and the ring was firmly caught. It made a nasty rip, although it did not pull all the way through. Trooper was stalwart and never moved, even with she was struggling to free herself. My human leaped off of my back and ran over to help. It took both her and Trooper's human to free the friend. Trooper had blood all down his neck and shoulders. Thankfully Lucky's owner drove up and offered to take Trooper's human and her friend to the human veterinarian. My human led us both back to the barn and untacked us, muttering all the while about the strange things humans do to themselves.
I couldn't agree more. I can only hope that the style doesn't catch on and us horses find ourselves adorned with bright studs and metal dangly things. More later.

Humans, I'll never understand them!

I am so remiss in my writing. I have had the most horrible personal experience lately and was simply too distressed to record the events until now. My human, whom I have always treated well and considered a member of the herd, betrayed me in a way I still find shocking.

In the past few weeks my human and Lucky’s human have been discussing something called a “getaway”. Lucky and I were both unfamiliar with the term and quite puzzled as to what a “getaway” entailed. Oh, how I wish we had stayed ignorant of what one was.

Two weeks ago the two humans loaded us up in the smaller wheeled cave and we traveled for a long time, until well after dark. I hate traveling in the wheeled cave, but even the enclosed space could not keep out the changing smells and sounds. When we arrived at our destination I could smell water, salt and the mucky nasty pond smell that we find in the lower pasture. Lucky and I were alarmed and both of us had the sudden fear that instead of going to a show, as we first thought, we were being taken to the “place of the double deckers” and disposed of. We were shivering when we were unloaded and I must admit I was extremely worried.

It was too dark to see where we were, but we were soon led to a dimly lighted stable. I use stable in the loosest term. It was in reality a small shack with two box stalls created out of rough boards. Our humans were chattering excitedly and seemed very happy to be there. Lucky and I were less happy and still concerned. We were soon in stalls, brushed and fed and then the lights were turned out and we were left to our frightened thoughts, all alone in the dark.

We both spent a sleepless night and when morning came we were surprised to see our humans in the barn right at dawn. That shock was followed by another one! For some reason our humans were almost naked, like baby barn rats. I was stunned. Granted my human is considered a rather attractive filly by others, and myself, but I was unused to seeing so much bare skin. When she comes to the barn she is usually wearing riding clothes and is quite well covered. Lucky’s human was similarly undressed and I must admit both of them were quite glowingly pale. It was disturbing. My human had small pieces of cloth covering her upper and lover body parts, whereas Lucky’s human had a stretchy solid piece that covered her from chest to upper thigh. They had on small rubbery foot coverings and each carried a large toweling cloth. We were quickly fed and brushed while we ate. I could sense the excitement that both humans had and Lucky could too. He kept giving me worried looks, but alas, I could not console him since my own fears were so great.

We were soon bridled and led from the stable, where our humans set about shocking us further. We were draped with the large towels and then mounted from a large block. I was shocked. I have been ridden bareback before, but always in proper form with my human properly attired. Lucky seemed less surprised at the riding arrangement, but he has led a more diverse life than I have.

We were ridden down a sandy path and then around a large sand hill. I had never seen such a thing and snorted several times in alarm. Lucky settled down and seemed content to walk quietly, absorbing the surroundings with little anxiety. I must confess that I could not stop my feet from jigging and several times I almost found myself spooking like an untrained colt. As we came around the hill I got the shock of my life! I confess I did spook and almost fell over spinning around. Lucky stoppedm, and thankfully remained still, because it is the only thing that saved my human from coming off. We ended up pressed against Lucky and she pushed herself upright by using his rear end. She was braying and nudging me to go forward, but I could not make myself move. In front of us was the largest body of water I had ever seen! It was endless, rolling and noisy, covering the entire horizon. I stood shaking until Lucky’s owner nudged him away and he walked toward the water. I followed along out of fear, afraid to lose sight of my only friend.

We entered a huge sandy area and walked toward the water. Well truthfully, Lucky walked and I staggered along like a horse that has had too many fermented apples. As we approached the edge of the water I could see large groups of white birds and some nasty scuttling things like big crusty spiders running along the wet sand. It was disgusting and when one of the nasty spider things got near my front feet I reared in fear. My human grabbed me around the neck, still braying in that way humans do when they find something funny. Lucky ignored the giant spiders and when his human nudged him he trotted off as if nothing was wrong. I deduced that he had probably hit his head several times as a foal and his behavior was the result of long term after effects. I skittered after him, trying to avoid the spider things and touching the cold slimy water.

The humans brayed some more and then to my horror Lucky’s human turned him into the water and rode him out away from the dry sand. Fool that he was he WENT. I halted very quickly and reared again, refusing to enter the nasty cold stuff. Lucky whickered and continued out until he was chest deep. He was obviously crazy, like horses get when the sticker man gives them the dancing carrot shot. My human kept urging me into the water and I was finally able to get in fetlock deep without shuddering. What a horrible experience! I was surprised to see that Lucky seemed to enjoy himself. He even pawed and splashed the nasty water onto me. When he came back closer to shore he suddenly lay down and rolled in the wet sand. I was horrified! I was raised to be a gentlehorse, not some mud rolling farm animal.

We spent the morning on the sand and in the water, although I never went deeper than my knees. We returned to the “stable” by noon and were hosed off and bedded down. Our humans were not as pale when we returned, but they did seem relaxed and quite happy. I can’t help but be confused by their behavior. Most of the time our humans seem to strive for cleanliness and order, but when put near large bodies of water and endless sand they seem to revert to some primitive form that enjoys frolicking in dirty water, sand and sweating like a workhorse.
Two days later we returned home. I was never so glad to get in the wheeled cave in my life. Lucky said he was sorry to head home, although he did miss the grass pastures. I’ll never understand him completely; his origins are too different from mine. I did thank him for his stalwart assistance during my times of fear. He graciously stated that it had been no trouble.I will recount more of our adventures in my next entry. More later.

Hectic start of summer

Things have been so hectic lately. Lucky has put on so much weight and gained so much confidence that his human is going to take him to our next schooling show. It’s a good thing too, because she needs some more training. I hope he can get her straightened out in time.

Trooper has decided to take a young human girl on try out. His imported human was so furious at Trooper and the Cat Beast after his last visit to the barn that he has not been back. The barn manager spoke with one of the girls taking lessons here and she rode Trooper a few times and they got along fine. She’s a tall slender girl, with light hands and a very nice leg. Trooper really likes her and he has relaxed a lot since she started riding him. If she can convince her sire and dam that she is the human Trooper wants then all will be well.

My human has been out in the evenings and we ride until dark. The days are warm and a bit humid, so riding during the middle of the day is brutal. My human was kind enough to trim up my bridle path and shorten my mane recently, so I am a bit cooler. Poor Shorty had to be body clipped. He’s like a small dun puffball, even after he sheds out the worst of his winter coat. Now he is cool and shiny, although still fat. Pebbles was also body clipped and looks stunning. The big grey dapples really stand out now and she is always getting complimented.The Cat Beast has been beyond smug for his part in annoying Trooper’s imported human. Trooper enjoyed it so much he has even allowed the Cat Beast to sleep in his hay manger. I don’t think I would like to be beholden to a cat, especially that one. More Later.

The Cat Beast Strikes Again

I really don’t have much use for the Cat Beast. My human fawns on him, brings him treats and pets him when she should be paying attention to me. He also steals my diary and reads it aloud to everyone whenever he gets the chance. On occasion he has left nasty things in my hay bin and my stall. Despite all of his flaws he does have some redeeming moments and he exercised them today.

Trooper’s human came out to the barn today. His arm was in one of those white rock things and he was limping. He left Trooper alone, but started digging through his big tack trunk that sits in front of Trooper’s stall. My human was tacking me up in the aisle so I had a clear view of what happened. The Cat Beast was sitting in the rafters over the aisle. When Trooper’s imported human gathered some stuff up and took it with him down the aisle I could see the Cat Beast narrowing his eyes. I knew he was up to something and hoped my human wouldn’t be finished too soon.

On the next trip in and out Trooper’s human left the lid of the tack trunk open. As soon as he limped down the aisle the Cat Beast sprang down from the rafters and then casually sauntered over to the trunk and climbed in. I knew when I heard the scratching noise that he had just left a very nasty surprise on top of a pair of paddock boots and leather seated breeches. The Cat Beast jumped out of the truck and the walked down the aisle, tail in the air. My human watched him go, and then turned and looked at the trunk. I heard her gasp, but she didn’t walk over to it, so I think she was only guessing as to what happened. Trooper’s human came in and limped back up the aisle. My human suddenly got busy checking my girth and “straightening” me up.

When Trooper’s human reached his trunk and saw what the Cat Beast had left him he howled like the Rat Terror dog does when it gets locked in the tack room. He was trying to hop around, saying roan inducing words and even striking the wall with his white rock thing. Trooper had been in the rear of his stall, his ears pinned, but when he heard his human carrying on he walked to the front and then peered down into the tack trunk. It must have been awful because he gave a huge snort and then backed into the corner, whickering like a crazy horse.

Trooper’s human came up to mine and said some rude things, asking if she had seen the cat and accused her of allowing the cat to spoil his stuff. She told him off. He may be imported, but he understood exactly what she meant. He turned an alarming shade of red and limped back over to his trunk like a whipped dog. I was so proud of her. She huffed a few times and then untied me and led me from the barn. As we walked past, Trooper’s human was carefully pulling his soiled items out of the trunk and I have to admit they reeked. I almost felt sorry for him, but not quite.

We walked out of the barn and toward the mounting block, still hearing Trooper’s whickers and his human’s ranting. As we turned the corner I notice the Cat Beast was climbing out of Trooper’s human’s small wheeled cave; he’d left the windows down. I didn’t even want to know what he did in there! More later.

Pride goeth...

As the immortal Shakespur said: A human, a human… my pasture for a decent human. It finally happened, Trooper blew up and pitched his imported human off. It has only been a matter of time. This afternoon Lucky and I took our humans on a nice jaunt around the pastures. It was pleasant to walk, trot and canter without the constraints of fences. When we finally turned toward home we ended up passing the lower dressage arena where Trooper was working with his human. I could tell things were not going well!

As we halted on the knoll above the arena Trooper was circling at the far end. I could see his human was really lugging on the reins and Trooper was dripping froth from his mouth, something he abhors as being so lower level. After they finished the far circle they cut through the middle and came around the near end, intending to make another circle. I could see that the human was jabbing Trooper in the ribs with his spurs and really cranking the reins. Midway through the circle Trooper just lost it. He bogged his head and threw his rear end in the air. A rodeo horse couldn’t have done a better job of bucking. His human lasted a buck and a half and then he was plowing dirt with his pointy face. Lucky and I were trying not to horse laugh when my human jumped off and handed my reins to Lucky’s human. She rushed down to see if Trooper’s human was okay. Lucky’s human took us back to the barn, stalled us and then went and caught Trooper. He was a sorry sight. His reins were broken, his mouth ripped, probably from stepping on the reins, and his sides were already welting up from spur marks.

Lucky’s human was furious. She said several things that almost made my coat roan out they were so harsh. She removed Trooper’s bridle and haltered him and then apologized for not untacking him. She untacked Lucky and me and then went to get the barn manager, leading Trooper along with her.

We heard sirens and I looked out the stall window to see the white-wheeled cave with the flashing lights coming up the hill. That thing scares me to death! I’ve never seen one eat a horse, but all the humans I’ve seen that went in one ended up coming out with a white rock tube on one of their limbs. The scary thing went past the barn and then the loud wailing noise went quiet.
Lucky’s human returned with Trooper and the barn manager and they untacked Trooper and took care of his injuries. The poor fellow was just miserable. The barn manager and Lucky’s human said some more roan inducing words which made Lucky bury his head in the corner of the stall in embarrassment! He’s such a shy fellow.

My human finally arrived back at the barn. She had blood on her shirt, and at first I was worried that she had killed Trooper’s human, which he richly deserved, but she told the barn manager the nasty fellow had a broken arm, bloody nose and sprained fetlock ( ankel? Or whatever humans call it). The am-bull-ants, which I deduced was the scary white wheeled cave, was going to take him to some place where he would be ex- raid and vetted. I hope they stick him with something.

All three humans stood a long time looking at poor Trooper and talking about his welts. I thought my human was going to throw an even bigger fit than Trooper did, she was so mad. The cat beast came over, walking along the barn beams like the sneaky thing he is, and he listened in, hanging his head down like some fur-covered vulture. He hissed a few times, and I got the impression he didn’t like Trooper’s human either. Most of the time the cat beast doesn’t pass opinions on humans, he feels they are beneath him, but I know Trooper’s human has kicked him before, and the cat beast despises him. I have no doubt he’ll leave a few nasty surprises in Trooper’s human’s tack trunk the first chance he gets.

Feeding time arrived and we all dug into our grain. The barn manger made Trooper a mash, since his mouth was so sore. I know he was grateful; she’s a good human and very concerned about us. Things quieted down after the lights went out and all the humans left. None of us felt like talking. I know Lucky remembers the abuse from his past, and I feel that Trooper fears for his future. I hope he finds a good human soon! More later.

Trooper has returned!

Trooper arrived home last night and he was in a wretched mood. He was led in the barn right after feeding time and made such a fuss. Shorty, Pebbles, Lucky and I are the only ones down at that end of the barn right now, since several horses have left for the spring circuits. Trooper is returning home after the winter in Florida. His imported human was really throwing a fit. We all stopped munching our hay and stared as he shouted at the barn help and kicked things. It was a good thing the barn manager wasn’t there, she’d have put a mucker right in his butt.

Trooper’s human finally left and he started sulkily eating dinner. The rest of us waited for him to calm down, but he never warmed up to us. This morning we found out why.

We all had turn-out together. Lucky was worried since he had never met Trooper before. It was warm today, so before we were turned out Trooper had his sheet stripped off. We didn’t notice anything wrong until he walked past us in the paddock. I thought poor Shorty was going to fall over he was whickering so hard. Trooper had a large heart clipped in his right hindquarter. Lucky stared so hard he dropped the grass out of his mouth. I must say that Pebbles and I were equally shocked, but we hid it better. Once we got done staring at his heart decorated rear end we noticed that his mane was shortened and very uneven and his forelock was cut straight across. Pebbles gave a full body shiver and Lucky backed up a few steps in horror. A paragon of self-preservation is our Lucky.

Trooper got so annoyed by Shorty’s whicker he lashed a nasty kick at him and then cantered off. He missed, but Shorty took the hint and quit whickering. Lucky and Pebbles moved off to the far end of the paddock and Shorty went over to scratch his rear end on the oak tree. I decided to find out what was really bothering Trooper and wandered over to him, carefully.

Poor Troops, he looked so miserable. He was ripping up grass and chewing like the Rat Terror dog does when it get a hold of a piece of hoof clipping. I finally asked him what was wrong and he sighed and looked up. The story he told was so shocking!

It seems he and his human have had a real falling out. His imported human got more and more pushy and demanding. Trooper said that when the draw reins came out he had had enough. He started bucking and over flexing to avoid pressure. This made his imported human very angry and he actually put Trooper up for sale! Trooper was mortified at having such a rude human, but not really distressed at the thought of getting a new one.

From there things went seriously wrong. Trooper was sent to live at a training stable so a teenage girl could try him out. Trooper said she was basically a nice human, just spoiled and lacking focus. One day when her trainer wasn’t around to guide her she decided to “groom” Trooper for their next outing. She clipped a small heart in his hindquarters, messed it up and clipped a bigger one to cover up the first mistake, messed it up and so on, until the heart was a cannon bone wide. Then she decided to trim his mane and used those horrible sharp metal clicky things. Trooper can’t see how bad it looks, but he said he knew it was awful by the reactions of everyone that had seen it. Her trainer arrived too late to save Trooper and pronounced him unfit for the show ring for six months because of his new “look”. Trooper’s imported human arrived shortly afterwards and had a screaming fit. Things got worse from there. Trooper was stuffed into a wheeled cave and they traveled through the night. He said he had the worst nightpeoples that he would end up at a yard with “double deckers” just waiting to eat him. Poor fellow! I assured him that his hair would grow back, and surely he would find a new human soon, one that didn’t use draw reins. We then walked over and I introduced him to Lucky and we all grazed the rest of the afternoons until our humans arrived. None of them said anything about Trooper, but my human was kind enough to give him a pat and a treat. She’s such a sweet human; I’ve trained her well.Trooper’s imported human did not come out that afternoon; I think he was relieved. More later.

A very trying day

Today was a trial for me. It made me question my role as a human keeper. Seriously, it takes so much of my time to deal with her needs. She arrived this afternoon and I could tell right away she was grumpy about something. I have said again and again that she is not to bring that attitude to the barn; it just upsets all of us.

She dragged me in from the pasture, where I had been grazing with Shorty and Lucky. I was rudely put into cross ties and then brushed a little too fast and hard for my taste. I did a few sharp tail switches, which she ignored. I was then quickly saddled and taken from the barn. With nary a moment of warm up my human mounted and we set off down the trail toward the hills. This concerned me, because we didn’t have another horse with us, nor were the other humans paying attention. At least she had the sense to wear her head covering, it’s a known fact human heads are soft.

We went down the trail for a good stretch and her hands were a bit tense. I kept rooting into the bit, hoping that she would get the hint, but she didn’t loosen up. I was just about to give a good pull when we entered a nice clearing. Before I could drop my head she slid off, grabbed me around the neck and started crying. I was so surprised I froze while she cried against my neck. She cried a long time and when she finally quit she started talking to me. I can understand a lot of human talk, but certain words she used confused me. I got the impression she was upset with her other life, the one that doesn’t involve me. She has another job, besides caring for me, but I have never considered it important. Evidently the alpha human at her other job, I think it is male, was a brute to my darling human. I wanted to rend him limb from limb. He criticized my human during a herd gathering and then took one of her brilliant ideas and claimed it as his own. The audacity of the creature! Surely death is too good for such a beast!

I could do little to comfort her, but hug her with my neck and rub my face against her side. I felt so helpless, like a young foal on icy ground. She finally calmed down and we walked along the trail. She talked some more about her other job, and I must say I had to stifle a few yawns at her descriptions; humans can be such silly creatures. When she finally calmed down she mounted back up and we went for a nice slow canter through the woods. I actually heard her doing that human neighing thing and felt her relax. I felt better too, knowing she found comfort in my presence. I don’t understand humans. They take such a huge amount of work, training and time, but in the end you wouldn’t want to be without one of your own to love. By the time we arrived back at the barn we were in accord again, and I knew she could handle anything her other job threw at her. More later.

Ask Tuffy: Training a human to groom

It has been awhile since I have answered mail, so I thought I'd post an inquiry here:

Dear Tuffy,

I simply don't know what to do. My human cannot seem to get grooming down. She brushes way too hard and it makes my skin sore. I know she doesn't mean too, but she simply puts too much pressure and I shiver the whole time. What can I do to make her lighten up?

Signed Shivering and Sad.


Dear Shivering,

I sympathize, truly I do. Being brushed by a stiff hard brush is torture. Training your human to lighten her pressure will be difficult. Some humans never realize our skin is so sensitive. Try moving away from the brush, tossing your head and perhaps nipping at her. When she brushes you with the right pressure relax and lean in a bit, to show her it pleases you. If she continues to abuse your hide make it difficult for her to catch you. I suggest trotting off right as she comes up and then letting her get close several times before running off again. This type of behavior will teach her that her presence is annoying and she must change her ways.
Another thing you can do is grab the harsh brushes out of the grooming kit and shred them, or drop them where the barn hound will get them. They make great chew toys.
There is not reason for a horse to be brushed without care for his delicate skin. Even mud and dirt don't merit harsh treatment. Perhaps you can nudge her into a wall or doorway and she will get the hint. Sadly, sometimes we horses must use aversion therapy to get our humans to behave.

Tuffy

Hitting the trail

We had a very nice ride today. The hillsides are green and it was quite warm. Passing through the woods it was very tempting to eat some new grass, but being a gentlehorse I minded my manners and didn't eat with a bit in my mouth. Lucky and his human came along. The difference in his appearance is amazing. He has been getting gentle work outs in the arena and lunge ring and has toned up. His human said he must have been trained for western and english riding, I shuddered at the thought of doing both. We stopped several times to rest and my human was nice enough to give me a handful of her magic fizzing water. Wonderful stuff, but it makes my lips tingle.


We saw two forest cows. They are so slender and fleet, not like those big black and white things down the road that merely stand around and eat. The trees are getting buds and it smells like spring. There is a show coming up in a few weeks and I need to start getting my human in shape. She wintered well and doesn’t need must reminding to get her back in form. She's been so responsive and easy lately I feel sure we'll do well. More later.

A nice spring day

Spring is really beautiful. It feels so nice to shed out the itchy winter hair. Shorty and I groom each other whenever possible. Not that my human doesn't do a fine job, but since she refuses to use her teeth she doesn't get the hair pulled loose as well as he does. I was also subjected to a visit from the sticker man, no sticks this time, but a tube of nasty paste stuff. What is does I'm not sure, but it tastes terrible.

Lucky has continued to improve in appearance. Is human has started gently lunging him, as well as leading him along side her other horse when she rides. Shorty and I heard from Pebbles that Trooper would be home soon. He did not do well on the Winter Circuit and is probably going to trade his human in, again. If he would quit being such a snob and settle for a nice domestic model then he would be much happier. I know that my human is very satisfactory; I made a good choice. More later.

Happenings around the barn

The cat beast has once again found my diary and embarrassed me. He has meowed my spelling errors from the rafters and implied I am an idiot. I pointed out to him that I understand humanese very well and I was the first horse to figure out how to use the office computer, as well as open the door. He scoffed and said he spoke, and understood, several languages and that he himself had been using computers since he first heard they had mice attached to them. He’s such a snooty beast and I hope the Rat Terror dog gets him. I don’t have much use for dogs, and this one pees on everything he can reach, but they do keep the cat beast in fits.

Lucky and Shorty have both consoled me and made many admiring comments about my writing ability. I am not completely placated, but do appreciate their support. Lucky looks better every day. I simply cannot believe the change in his appearance and demeanor. His human is a very nice human and always remembers to bring Shorty and me treats when she visits Lucky. My human has been helping with Lucky, I am so glad I taught her to share! My human’s herdmate has even come out again, and it had been a long time since I had seen him. I often wondered if he had been run off by a more dominate male, but thus far had seen no bite marks on my human’s neck to indicate she had changed herds. The herdmate has helped by brushing Lucky and feeding him treats and seems quite taken with him.

There is also another new foal in the mares’ paddock. It is a very unique looking thing, being covered with small pebble shaped spots from its head to its hooves. It is a filly. Pebbles said it was an Appaloosa like I am, but I don’t believe it. After all I am an Appaloosa and I only have white markings over my hips. I think she is just pulling my cannon bone to tease me. I hear the barn help approaching so I must close for today. More later.

Lucky speaks

It has been a few days since my last entry, but I can now report on my talk with the new horse, Lucky. The nasty cat beast snuck a peek in my diary and rudely informed me that the word is “rescue”, not RESKEW and then he demeaned my illustrious ancestors. Foul animal, I hope an owl gets him.

Lucky was turned out with us two days after he arrived. He was put in with Shorty and me, in a smaller paddock, to make sure he would not get hurt. He was already looking so much better than when he came in. Good, regular food, even in smaller amounts, can make an animal look brighter . We all trotted around when first turned out, and Shorty and Lucky both rolled, but I didn’t want to ruin my nice brush job, so I cantered around a few times, chasing my shadow. Then we grazed for a while. I was amazed that even though Lucky’s ribs are visible he grazed slowly and very gentlehorsely. He is a nice addition to the herd.

Finally we all settled under a shade tree and he told us the rest of his story. Seems Lucky is actually a well bred animal. He came from a mid sized breeder that had nice mares and property. His sire was a horse that lived many states away and had a large stud fee. Lucky has never met his sire, but heard him referred to several times as an “improvement sire”. Lucky left his first home when he was two and was set to training a young female human. He said they worked together for several years, even winning in shows, and then she had to go to some place called “college” and could not remain with him.

Lucky’s next human was the start of his problems. She was not as good a rider, she didn’t understand a horse’s needs and by ignoring them she created problems that intimidated her. Lucky told me he worked with several different humans trainers, but none of them could get his personal human to work correctly. He ended up not being ridden, rarely visited and then finally sold to another human.

This next human was a nightpeople for poor Lucky. He was beaten for being spirited, had severe bits used and was often worked until he was exhausted. He lost weight and got moody and fearful. He was horrified to find himself dumped at an AUCTION! Oh I shuddered at the word. AUCTIONS are what our dams used to frighten us with when we were bad little foals! AUCTIONS are the end of the trail for so many horses! Those of us raised by, and partnered with, resposible people really have no concept of how terrible they are, but we guess and shiver.

Lucky told us about the AUCTION ( sorry I can’t help imagining it like that. Like FIRE! It is such a fearful word!) He was put in a small muddy pen with other sad horses. Some were skinny and had cuts and scars. Some were in better condition, but nervous and worried about their futures. Several horses in the pen next to his were clearly horsterical. He said you could tell they had not been around humans much. They were panicked from being hauled in the wheeled caves. Several wore halters, dragging ropes, which were caked in mud and manure. When it came time to visit the ring of horsehell they were chased through a runway and then galloped around madly in the ring, the ropes slapping their legs and sides. Lucky choked up and Shorty and I scratched his withers while he recollected himself. He dropped his head when he told us that all of the frightened horses ended up in the big double decker wheeled cave. We knew what that meant!

Lucky was finally led out of there by a “cowboy” looking fellow that he referred to as a “DEELER”. He made this human sound so evil and so scary. Shorty couldn’t even nibble on leaves any more; he was so shocked at the thought of Lucky’s life. I am so blessed with my human that I have nothing but sympathy for others that do not have the same life I do! I need to switch leads again back to Lucky’s story.

Lucky went home with the “DEELER” and was immediately made miserable. He lived in a small pen with several other horses, including some with injuries. The injuries were ignored for the most part, unless they were easily treatable with yellow spray. Horses were often dragged out and hosed off to be shown to humans. They were then lunged until they could barely move, so they would look gentle, and then put away sweaty and sore. I felt my skin just shivering at his words, like flies were crawling all over me. Thankfully he finished rather quickly.

The “DEELER” finally ran out of feed and the horses were starved. Several died, including a few mares and colts. Finally things got so bad that the “SHERIFT” showed up and shut the “DEELER” down. Humans came in and started loading horses into wheeled caves to take away. Lucky feared he was going to have to load into a double decker, but none of those ever arrived. While waiting to be taken, the remaining horses were fed and watered, and had their injuries treated. Lucky left in the last group, they were the horses in the BEST condition. Shorty and I shivered for several minutes, recalling how he looked when he arrived. He was finally haltered by a tall human, that smelled of warm grass and molasses, and led into a wheeled cave. He wasn’t sure if his ride was going to be his last, but he was grateful that he had a few moments of kindness before loading. When he was unloaded here he said he almost collapsed with relief. He said the last few days have been like a refoaling and he hopes his new human will give him time to get better so he can show her how grateful he is. I am so happy he was rescued by his human and brought here. I know he will do well now. More later.

Meeting a RESKEW

I had a very strange experience today. I met a horse that was a RESKEW. I’m not exactly sure what that is, and I was afraid to ask on so short an acquaintancship . He arrived today while we were all turned out. I was astounded when a thin, dirty horse was unloaded out of one of the wheeled caves and led into the barn.

Shorty and I trotted along the fence and were horrified at his condition. He was thin and matted, his hooves long and scaly. I felt just awful for him! He disappeared into the barn with one of my human’s companions so we didn’t see him again until we were brought in for feeding.

When we were stalled for the night I discovered he was in the stall next to me, where Trooper usually stays when he is not on the show circuit. Shorty is on the other side of me, and Pebbles is across the aisle. We all ate quietly, but I could tell the others were watching the new horse as much as I was. He looked somewhat better, having had a bath and his mane combed. I heard the humans talking about the farrier coming out to see him, as well as the sticker man. I shuddered in sympathy.

When we had all finished eating and the barn lights were turned out I politely introduced myself. He relayed to me that he wasn’t quite sure what his name was now, although the human that had brought him in had been calling him Lucky. He didn’t remember his old name because he was never called by anything. This set my whiskers to quivering with indignation. How could a human demean a horse so as to not recognize his name?

We talked for quite some time and oh the horrors he told me. He hadn’t had his feet done in over a year. He hadn’t seen the sticker man in longer than that. He was so thin and starved I didn’t ask when he had last had regular feed. I can’t imagine my darling human ever letting me do without! I’m sure she would sell her man-thing first before letting me suffer. It’s late, and I’ll relate more of his story tomorrow. Poor Lucky, I’m sure I’ll have nightpeoples after his story! More later.

The Immortal Bard: Hooflet

Hooflet:
To be blunt, or not to be blunt: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler to ignore the stupidity of those that have no equine knowledge or to suffer the slings and arrows of their outrage when you point out they have the brain of a flea and no business owning a horse. Is it better to speak against a sea of misinformation, and by opposing opinion end them?

To die: to sleep, and experience nightmares of horse abuse; No more; and by a sleep to say we end the heart-ache and the thousand unnatural things a horse is put through. 'tis a consummation devoutly to be wish'd. Let the stupid die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to dream of a day when all horse people will have to take a test before owning a breathing animal: ay, there's the rub; For in that sleep of stupidity what dreams may come?

When the horses have shuffled off this mortal coil, and ended a sad life riven with morons and disrespect. This must give us pause: where's the respect, what makes calamity of so long life? For who would bear the whips and spurs of time, the ignoramus's lack of feeding knowledge, or basic vet care, or that a farrier comes every six weeks. The pangs of neglected horses, the law's delay in rescuing them.

The insolence of "gurus", and the cult like followings they engender, stupidity masked as caring. That patient look of the worthy horse when he must tolerate a person with their head so far up their backside they see their own tonsils. The sadness when the horse himself resorts to blunt training measures to enforce upon the ignorant that certain things are not acceptable.

When a person, through laziness, a need to feel "special" or just plain stupidity buries their head in the sand (or manure pile) and refuses to acknowledge that as a horse owner they are a complete failure.

To breed, to breed, and over produce junk that will not sell even in third world countries where cooked spiders are considered a delicacy. Such is the goal of the unknowledgeable and profoundly stupid.

To qualify, neigh, to justify, that a "rare" color, bloodline, or conformational flaw makes a horse so special as to merit its reproduction. We've only to look at their own efforts at producing social baggage to understand why they feel their animals must do the same.

Is there hope? A shining knight in armor to protect our hoof'd friends? Does the ghost of Hi-yo Silver arise to lead them against a plague of idioicy? Neigh, neigh t'is not so. For in the end the only thing that will protect your horses from meeting such a fate is to NOT make any more, and to screen your buyers as if they were applying to the CIA. To do less is to bring about the regrettable fate of so many equines, at the hands of the blithely, and orgasmically ignorant, hordes.

Shakespur
Truer words were never spoken!

Spring is sprung

I have simply been too busy to take pen in hoof and record my life's events. Show season is starting and I am schooling my human on her form. I see results that lead me to think we will have a good year. She has not brought the screaming arm waver person out again and I am glad, because she undoes all my hard work with her ranting. I can feel my human tense the moment the yelling starts.
The new filly has grown so much; she is simply the most adorable thing I've ever seen. I would want one for my own if I could figure out how you get them. Even Shorty is enamored of her and watches her over the fence for hours. Trooper has gone off on a southern show circuit and was in bad spirits when he left, I fear his human is not long for this partnership. More later

A warm day at last

Such a warm day. I could feel the hair shedding every time I shook. Shorty and I had a pleasurable grooming session, more so for him I think. He's rather short and can only reach my shoulders, whereas I gave him a nice withers scratch. Ah well, groomers can't be choosers. My human was kind enough to brush me really well after we came in from turnout and for some reason she had several sneezing fits. I hope she isn't getting a cold, I know I hate getting my temperature taken when I feel ill. Trooper is in rather a bad mood. He pulled a hamstring sliding in the mud and is on stall rest for a few weeks. He's going to a complete grouch by the time he gets out. I noticed the barn workers driving the smoke beast around the arenas, raking up the dirt. They must be prepping them for spring riding. I hope we don't have a nasty windy Munch. Foaluary was already colder than expected. More later.

When all is right with the world

I saw the most amazing thing today. One of the mares, her name is Daisy, had a foal. Today was the first time she was brought out to the paddock next to the one I was in. The little thing was absolutely fascinating! Trooper, Shorty and I ran up to the fence and called to Daisy, but she ignored us and stayed with her foal. What a small sweet thing she is: all legs and fuzzy gold hair. I was quite taken with her, although Trooper spooked several times when she would run about in circles. The little darling had a few falls, but it's quite evident she will be a graceful beauty when grown. After awhile she lay out in the sun and slept. Ah, a vision she was, like a little gold cloud brought to earth. If only I had the words of that immortal horse, Shakespur, to tell of her charm and beauty. More later.

Peace at Last!

It has finally quieted down here. The foals called for three days and then gradually settled down. My nerves were shot. I seriously thought Shorty was going to go bald. The barn owner did try to help out by taking us out to our paddocks earlier and leaving us out longer. On the fourth day the foals were also allowed out in the big covered round pen. We could hear them calling and running about. Sad times, but all young horses must grow up and learn to fend for themselves. I remember when I was weaned and how shocked and hurt I felt at my mother leaving me. But I grew up and now I’m a stable individual indeed, no pun intended.
A new horse arrived in the barn yesterday. He was put in the end stall, which has an empty stall between it and Shorty's stall. We haven't spoken to him yet but we could see him as he was led past and he was shockingly thin. Trooper was curious enough to ask me if I knew what had happened, breaking his self imposed silent treatment of me. I had no idea. My human, and the other humans, all went to see the horse and pet him. We could hear them talking, but couldn’t get the real gist of the conversation, although we heard the word "rescue" quite a bit. I am curious, but also a bit afraid of what I might find out. Surely the poor thing is not ill or contagious or he wouldn't have been brought into the barn with the babies.
I noticed that the trees along the paddocks are turning yellow and orange, so fall is once more coming around. I hope the weather holds, as I would like to school my human more on her seat and leg cues. Shorty is going to a "team penning" tomorrow night, I have no idea what that entails, but he did mention cows, so it's best I don’t go too. Trooper will probably spend the winter in the south like he did last year. His imported human likes to show all year. Trooper better watch his human closely or he is going to find himself being traded for some hairy legged foreign horse. More Later.