Pride goeth...

As the immortal Shakespur said: A human, a human… my pasture for a decent human. It finally happened, Trooper blew up and pitched his imported human off. It has only been a matter of time. This afternoon Lucky and I took our humans on a nice jaunt around the pastures. It was pleasant to walk, trot and canter without the constraints of fences. When we finally turned toward home we ended up passing the lower dressage arena where Trooper was working with his human. I could tell things were not going well!

As we halted on the knoll above the arena Trooper was circling at the far end. I could see his human was really lugging on the reins and Trooper was dripping froth from his mouth, something he abhors as being so lower level. After they finished the far circle they cut through the middle and came around the near end, intending to make another circle. I could see that the human was jabbing Trooper in the ribs with his spurs and really cranking the reins. Midway through the circle Trooper just lost it. He bogged his head and threw his rear end in the air. A rodeo horse couldn’t have done a better job of bucking. His human lasted a buck and a half and then he was plowing dirt with his pointy face. Lucky and I were trying not to horse laugh when my human jumped off and handed my reins to Lucky’s human. She rushed down to see if Trooper’s human was okay. Lucky’s human took us back to the barn, stalled us and then went and caught Trooper. He was a sorry sight. His reins were broken, his mouth ripped, probably from stepping on the reins, and his sides were already welting up from spur marks.

Lucky’s human was furious. She said several things that almost made my coat roan out they were so harsh. She removed Trooper’s bridle and haltered him and then apologized for not untacking him. She untacked Lucky and me and then went to get the barn manager, leading Trooper along with her.

We heard sirens and I looked out the stall window to see the white-wheeled cave with the flashing lights coming up the hill. That thing scares me to death! I’ve never seen one eat a horse, but all the humans I’ve seen that went in one ended up coming out with a white rock tube on one of their limbs. The scary thing went past the barn and then the loud wailing noise went quiet.
Lucky’s human returned with Trooper and the barn manager and they untacked Trooper and took care of his injuries. The poor fellow was just miserable. The barn manager and Lucky’s human said some more roan inducing words which made Lucky bury his head in the corner of the stall in embarrassment! He’s such a shy fellow.

My human finally arrived back at the barn. She had blood on her shirt, and at first I was worried that she had killed Trooper’s human, which he richly deserved, but she told the barn manager the nasty fellow had a broken arm, bloody nose and sprained fetlock ( ankel? Or whatever humans call it). The am-bull-ants, which I deduced was the scary white wheeled cave, was going to take him to some place where he would be ex- raid and vetted. I hope they stick him with something.

All three humans stood a long time looking at poor Trooper and talking about his welts. I thought my human was going to throw an even bigger fit than Trooper did, she was so mad. The cat beast came over, walking along the barn beams like the sneaky thing he is, and he listened in, hanging his head down like some fur-covered vulture. He hissed a few times, and I got the impression he didn’t like Trooper’s human either. Most of the time the cat beast doesn’t pass opinions on humans, he feels they are beneath him, but I know Trooper’s human has kicked him before, and the cat beast despises him. I have no doubt he’ll leave a few nasty surprises in Trooper’s human’s tack trunk the first chance he gets.

Feeding time arrived and we all dug into our grain. The barn manger made Trooper a mash, since his mouth was so sore. I know he was grateful; she’s a good human and very concerned about us. Things quieted down after the lights went out and all the humans left. None of us felt like talking. I know Lucky remembers the abuse from his past, and I feel that Trooper fears for his future. I hope he finds a good human soon! More later.

Trooper has returned!

Trooper arrived home last night and he was in a wretched mood. He was led in the barn right after feeding time and made such a fuss. Shorty, Pebbles, Lucky and I are the only ones down at that end of the barn right now, since several horses have left for the spring circuits. Trooper is returning home after the winter in Florida. His imported human was really throwing a fit. We all stopped munching our hay and stared as he shouted at the barn help and kicked things. It was a good thing the barn manager wasn’t there, she’d have put a mucker right in his butt.

Trooper’s human finally left and he started sulkily eating dinner. The rest of us waited for him to calm down, but he never warmed up to us. This morning we found out why.

We all had turn-out together. Lucky was worried since he had never met Trooper before. It was warm today, so before we were turned out Trooper had his sheet stripped off. We didn’t notice anything wrong until he walked past us in the paddock. I thought poor Shorty was going to fall over he was whickering so hard. Trooper had a large heart clipped in his right hindquarter. Lucky stared so hard he dropped the grass out of his mouth. I must say that Pebbles and I were equally shocked, but we hid it better. Once we got done staring at his heart decorated rear end we noticed that his mane was shortened and very uneven and his forelock was cut straight across. Pebbles gave a full body shiver and Lucky backed up a few steps in horror. A paragon of self-preservation is our Lucky.

Trooper got so annoyed by Shorty’s whicker he lashed a nasty kick at him and then cantered off. He missed, but Shorty took the hint and quit whickering. Lucky and Pebbles moved off to the far end of the paddock and Shorty went over to scratch his rear end on the oak tree. I decided to find out what was really bothering Trooper and wandered over to him, carefully.

Poor Troops, he looked so miserable. He was ripping up grass and chewing like the Rat Terror dog does when it get a hold of a piece of hoof clipping. I finally asked him what was wrong and he sighed and looked up. The story he told was so shocking!

It seems he and his human have had a real falling out. His imported human got more and more pushy and demanding. Trooper said that when the draw reins came out he had had enough. He started bucking and over flexing to avoid pressure. This made his imported human very angry and he actually put Trooper up for sale! Trooper was mortified at having such a rude human, but not really distressed at the thought of getting a new one.

From there things went seriously wrong. Trooper was sent to live at a training stable so a teenage girl could try him out. Trooper said she was basically a nice human, just spoiled and lacking focus. One day when her trainer wasn’t around to guide her she decided to “groom” Trooper for their next outing. She clipped a small heart in his hindquarters, messed it up and clipped a bigger one to cover up the first mistake, messed it up and so on, until the heart was a cannon bone wide. Then she decided to trim his mane and used those horrible sharp metal clicky things. Trooper can’t see how bad it looks, but he said he knew it was awful by the reactions of everyone that had seen it. Her trainer arrived too late to save Trooper and pronounced him unfit for the show ring for six months because of his new “look”. Trooper’s imported human arrived shortly afterwards and had a screaming fit. Things got worse from there. Trooper was stuffed into a wheeled cave and they traveled through the night. He said he had the worst nightpeoples that he would end up at a yard with “double deckers” just waiting to eat him. Poor fellow! I assured him that his hair would grow back, and surely he would find a new human soon, one that didn’t use draw reins. We then walked over and I introduced him to Lucky and we all grazed the rest of the afternoons until our humans arrived. None of them said anything about Trooper, but my human was kind enough to give him a pat and a treat. She’s such a sweet human; I’ve trained her well.Trooper’s imported human did not come out that afternoon; I think he was relieved. More later.

A very trying day

Today was a trial for me. It made me question my role as a human keeper. Seriously, it takes so much of my time to deal with her needs. She arrived this afternoon and I could tell right away she was grumpy about something. I have said again and again that she is not to bring that attitude to the barn; it just upsets all of us.

She dragged me in from the pasture, where I had been grazing with Shorty and Lucky. I was rudely put into cross ties and then brushed a little too fast and hard for my taste. I did a few sharp tail switches, which she ignored. I was then quickly saddled and taken from the barn. With nary a moment of warm up my human mounted and we set off down the trail toward the hills. This concerned me, because we didn’t have another horse with us, nor were the other humans paying attention. At least she had the sense to wear her head covering, it’s a known fact human heads are soft.

We went down the trail for a good stretch and her hands were a bit tense. I kept rooting into the bit, hoping that she would get the hint, but she didn’t loosen up. I was just about to give a good pull when we entered a nice clearing. Before I could drop my head she slid off, grabbed me around the neck and started crying. I was so surprised I froze while she cried against my neck. She cried a long time and when she finally quit she started talking to me. I can understand a lot of human talk, but certain words she used confused me. I got the impression she was upset with her other life, the one that doesn’t involve me. She has another job, besides caring for me, but I have never considered it important. Evidently the alpha human at her other job, I think it is male, was a brute to my darling human. I wanted to rend him limb from limb. He criticized my human during a herd gathering and then took one of her brilliant ideas and claimed it as his own. The audacity of the creature! Surely death is too good for such a beast!

I could do little to comfort her, but hug her with my neck and rub my face against her side. I felt so helpless, like a young foal on icy ground. She finally calmed down and we walked along the trail. She talked some more about her other job, and I must say I had to stifle a few yawns at her descriptions; humans can be such silly creatures. When she finally calmed down she mounted back up and we went for a nice slow canter through the woods. I actually heard her doing that human neighing thing and felt her relax. I felt better too, knowing she found comfort in my presence. I don’t understand humans. They take such a huge amount of work, training and time, but in the end you wouldn’t want to be without one of your own to love. By the time we arrived back at the barn we were in accord again, and I knew she could handle anything her other job threw at her. More later.

Ask Tuffy: Training a human to groom

It has been awhile since I have answered mail, so I thought I'd post an inquiry here:

Dear Tuffy,

I simply don't know what to do. My human cannot seem to get grooming down. She brushes way too hard and it makes my skin sore. I know she doesn't mean too, but she simply puts too much pressure and I shiver the whole time. What can I do to make her lighten up?

Signed Shivering and Sad.


Dear Shivering,

I sympathize, truly I do. Being brushed by a stiff hard brush is torture. Training your human to lighten her pressure will be difficult. Some humans never realize our skin is so sensitive. Try moving away from the brush, tossing your head and perhaps nipping at her. When she brushes you with the right pressure relax and lean in a bit, to show her it pleases you. If she continues to abuse your hide make it difficult for her to catch you. I suggest trotting off right as she comes up and then letting her get close several times before running off again. This type of behavior will teach her that her presence is annoying and she must change her ways.
Another thing you can do is grab the harsh brushes out of the grooming kit and shred them, or drop them where the barn hound will get them. They make great chew toys.
There is not reason for a horse to be brushed without care for his delicate skin. Even mud and dirt don't merit harsh treatment. Perhaps you can nudge her into a wall or doorway and she will get the hint. Sadly, sometimes we horses must use aversion therapy to get our humans to behave.

Tuffy

Hitting the trail

We had a very nice ride today. The hillsides are green and it was quite warm. Passing through the woods it was very tempting to eat some new grass, but being a gentlehorse I minded my manners and didn't eat with a bit in my mouth. Lucky and his human came along. The difference in his appearance is amazing. He has been getting gentle work outs in the arena and lunge ring and has toned up. His human said he must have been trained for western and english riding, I shuddered at the thought of doing both. We stopped several times to rest and my human was nice enough to give me a handful of her magic fizzing water. Wonderful stuff, but it makes my lips tingle.


We saw two forest cows. They are so slender and fleet, not like those big black and white things down the road that merely stand around and eat. The trees are getting buds and it smells like spring. There is a show coming up in a few weeks and I need to start getting my human in shape. She wintered well and doesn’t need must reminding to get her back in form. She's been so responsive and easy lately I feel sure we'll do well. More later.

A nice spring day

Spring is really beautiful. It feels so nice to shed out the itchy winter hair. Shorty and I groom each other whenever possible. Not that my human doesn't do a fine job, but since she refuses to use her teeth she doesn't get the hair pulled loose as well as he does. I was also subjected to a visit from the sticker man, no sticks this time, but a tube of nasty paste stuff. What is does I'm not sure, but it tastes terrible.

Lucky has continued to improve in appearance. Is human has started gently lunging him, as well as leading him along side her other horse when she rides. Shorty and I heard from Pebbles that Trooper would be home soon. He did not do well on the Winter Circuit and is probably going to trade his human in, again. If he would quit being such a snob and settle for a nice domestic model then he would be much happier. I know that my human is very satisfactory; I made a good choice. More later.

Happenings around the barn

The cat beast has once again found my diary and embarrassed me. He has meowed my spelling errors from the rafters and implied I am an idiot. I pointed out to him that I understand humanese very well and I was the first horse to figure out how to use the office computer, as well as open the door. He scoffed and said he spoke, and understood, several languages and that he himself had been using computers since he first heard they had mice attached to them. He’s such a snooty beast and I hope the Rat Terror dog gets him. I don’t have much use for dogs, and this one pees on everything he can reach, but they do keep the cat beast in fits.

Lucky and Shorty have both consoled me and made many admiring comments about my writing ability. I am not completely placated, but do appreciate their support. Lucky looks better every day. I simply cannot believe the change in his appearance and demeanor. His human is a very nice human and always remembers to bring Shorty and me treats when she visits Lucky. My human has been helping with Lucky, I am so glad I taught her to share! My human’s herdmate has even come out again, and it had been a long time since I had seen him. I often wondered if he had been run off by a more dominate male, but thus far had seen no bite marks on my human’s neck to indicate she had changed herds. The herdmate has helped by brushing Lucky and feeding him treats and seems quite taken with him.

There is also another new foal in the mares’ paddock. It is a very unique looking thing, being covered with small pebble shaped spots from its head to its hooves. It is a filly. Pebbles said it was an Appaloosa like I am, but I don’t believe it. After all I am an Appaloosa and I only have white markings over my hips. I think she is just pulling my cannon bone to tease me. I hear the barn help approaching so I must close for today. More later.