Ask Tuffy

Seems like the horses at the barn are sneaking out and reading my blog. We need to be careful or the caretaker is going to start getting suspicious of hoofmarks on the office door. I feel it is my duty to help these poor creatures who are begging for advice.

Dear Tuffy,

I just read about Pebble's mane and had to share my own experience. My human recently clipped a BIG heart onto my shoulder. I’m embarrassed to be seen and the other geldings in the pasture tease me and call me Pretty Boy. What can I do until it grows out?

Ashamed Arab

Dear Ashamed,
The first thing you MUST do is remove those clippers from the land of the working appliances. I suggest a quick set back as your ears are being clipped to effectively throw them across the barn where they will hopefully shatter after hitting the floor. Pray that your human will be not be able to replace them any time soon. As for your current dilemma, well not much can be done but camouflage. Find a mud hole and roll every chance you get to keep the offending design covered. And pin your ears back and use some hoof if the comments get too rude. You don’t want the other geldings to think you’re a silly filly do you?

Tuffy

Vet's visit and exercise

Talked with Pebbles today. He's the big bay pinto gelding at the end of the barn. What was his human thinking with that mane style? I'd dump her for it. It looks like she gnawed it short with her teeth, but he swears she did it with some scissors and something called a thinning comb. Nasty piece of work if you ask me.
The vet stopped in for his weekly barn visit and said I was too fat! The short balding monkey should tend to his own business and keep his opinions about superior beings to himself! Better practice my sad "feed me, please" looks.
My human took me out for a ride afterwards and must have thought that she'd start taking the vet's advice to exercise me more today. We worked on circles and half halts, makeup your mind person do you want to stop or not? There is a show this weekend, so I know she'll be riding every day and making me repeat the same boring stuff over and over. Oh well, I need to work on my show manners, and practice screwing up only when the judge is looking. I'm sure I can find something new to spook at if I look hard enough. More later.

The human brought her herd mate out today. Pity they don’t practice culling on themselves. Got saddled up for the mandatory “ Honey I want to share your interests ride” What an oaf. I thought my girth was going to cut me in two when he pulled himself up. He’s lucky I’m a well-mannered individual, anyone else would have dumped him. Walked around on the leadline like the world's largest shetland pony and tolerated his wobbling back and forth. Thank goodness he never pulled the reins in order to stay upright, my jaw would have broken. My human was nice and petted me while walking next to me, I think she was grateful that I behaved well. Received a lot of sympathetic looks from the new filly two stalls down so it was worth it. There could be a good mutual groom session in my future, Wink! Wink! More later.

At the barn today

The disgusting cat-beast was in my feeder again. Worse he was CLEANING himself with his tongue, (how barbaric!), will they ever evolve enough to allow humans to do such menial labor for them? I think not. Yesterday he was eating a rodent and was rude enough to drag it through my hay. I was beyond grossed out. He thinks he's so smart because he can jump in and out of my stall while I remain penned up. One day he's going to be imprinted with my hoof on his smirking face. Even worse my human seems to adore the little monster and pets him every time she visits. Then she touches me without washing her hands! It's enough to make a good horse whicker in shame. The flightless bird things, I think they're called Chickians, are almost, but not quite as bad as the cat-beast about getting in my feeder. They do have the redeeming quality of disliking the cat-beast as much as I do and frequently chase him out of the barn. More later

I have spent the day in the pasture watching the humans from afar. They insist on covering themselves no matter what weather and right now look like big bulky broodmares. The weather is cold, so this added bulk must be for warmth. They also cut their manes in bizarre and sometimes downright ugly patterns. I have seen no evidence of tails and pity their inability to swat flies. My human has engaged in grooming behavior but will not allow me to reciprocate. How does she get her withers scratched if she won't let someone nibble her back? Some of their ideas about adornment are strange. I dread the thought of having the metal pins ( some of them sport 6 or 7 at a time) put through my ears and wonder if perhaps it is limited to their culture and not inflicted on visitors. More later.

The first few days

My humans have shown limited cognizant abilities. Earpinning results in backing away, foot shifting can clear the aisle. I have taught them to go back to the barn and get food by walking away when they approach me while carrying a rope or halter.
They seem to have no interest in my oats, but will eat the carrots which are supposed to be my treat, sometimes biting from them first before offering them to me, which grosses me out.
I have touched noses with a few of my stablemates and feel they are suitably impressed with my snorting and pawing ability.
Tomorrow the farrier is due so I must rest for my morning of shifting my weight and tugging my hoof out of his paws. More later

The Horse Diary

I have recently left the home I have known all my life and now embark on the adventure of owning my own human. I was fortunate to find a nice female with a great deal of training and a pleasant appearance. She is tall and I believe about 35 in human years, but I haven’t looked in her mouth to be sure. My new human and I have set up barn keeping at a rather large stable. There are various disciplines taught here and quite a variety of horses and their humans. I will miss my old humans, but as they say, it was time for me to leave the stall and seek greener pastures. I will record my experiences for future reference. More later.