Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Who are these people?

What a bizarre day. The human appeared with a new herd companion. A male who wore the white stretchy stuff usually reserved for the females of the species. He was also quite shrill, gangly and hyper. My human seemed excited to be with him and I was quickly saddled with little regard for my feelings on the matter. I was not at all pleased as I had planned on napping this afternoon. The male followed us to the warm up arena and proceeded to call things to my human for what seemed an eternity. How annoying! I could not get her attention and she kept using leg cues I did not want to respond to, in the end I did as she asked simply because I was too lazy to argue. But I feel I will regret giving in and that the male screamer will become a thorn in my side. More Later!

Monday, February 27, 2006


Oh what a day! The human who cleans the barn, I think they refer to him as a stall boy, didn't latch my stall completely. I was able to get out by playing with the latch and what fun I had running about. I cantered through the mount up area and managed to upset Pebbles so he wouldn't behave for his human and I almost got to stomp the cat-beast as he was sunning himself. The foul wretch made it out of my way just in time, I'm sure I'll get a dead rodent in my feeder this week, but it was worth it. The barn dog, aptly named Goofy, soon joined in the fun, barking and chasing me, which gave me a good excuse to run faster and pretend I was too frightened to be caught. By the time the stall boy was able to lure me in with feed, or so I let him think, my human had arrived. I was way too hot and sweaty to ride, whicker, and she settled for walking me down and brushing me. What a wonderful day. More later.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Snow day!

Winter is still here. It's quite chilly in the morning, one can hardly keep their hooves on the ground. The sheer delight of bucking and kicking through the white fluffy stuff is wonderful. My human has not blanketed me. Thank goodness. Some of the horses are wrapped up like they are going to a costume class. My human has visited me several times this week wearing puffy shiny clothes, I heard her refer to it as a skee suit, however, I'm not exactly sure what skeeing is. Perhaps something to do with spooking horses while dressed in puffy clothes. Trooper has gone south to a winter show circuit, good, better for the little fat cow chaser than me! More Later.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Our humans and their issues

Spoke to Trooper today. He has finally come off his high human and decided to be friendly again. His imported human has had a bit of trouble lately staying on tempo and Trooper is getting annoyed. Shorty has also had a bad time, his human wants to do a new western sport involving cows and Shorty would rather not. I, on the other hoof, had a good week and feel my human is progressing nicely. More Later

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Ho-Hum Day

It rained this week. Spent some time in the pasture and some in the barn. Pebbles rolled and looked like a mud monster. I never knew a human could make so much noise until his human saw him. The cat-beast made the mistake of getting caught in the downpour outside my stall. Every time he tried to jump in my door I pushed him back over. He was quite annoyed, most enjoyably so. The human has indicated she intends to follow the spring show circuit, I was unaware she was planning on being owned by another horse, because surely she's not thinking I'm the one who is going to work all spring? More Later

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Back to Work

We have returned to work. My human seems quite refreshed and ready to listen. A good turn out has much benefit where they are concerned and can prevent them from getting sour. I am trying to teach her to yield and not feel so stiff on turns. Shorty has had a few problems with his human about this, but feels that it was bad handling as a child that created the problems he now faces. He has made progress and has managed to retrain several bad habits. Haven’t talked to Trooper lately, he’s been so snotty about his imported human no one can stand him. The cat-beast has been absent too, I wonder where? More Later.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Ask Tuffy 2

Dear Tuffy,
I am at my wit’s end with my human. He constantly pulls the reins too hard and screams at me. I’ve tried to teach him to be gentle but he seems to think he’s some character called The Marlboro Man. He dresses like a canvas tent, wears a hat, even indoors, and is always sucking on a smoke stick.

Confused Cutting Horse

Dear Cutting Horse,

May I call you Cutting? Well, Cutting, I suggest you smoke this inconsiderate oaf right upside a tree. There is no excuse for rein jerking or shouting. Some humans simply can not be trained that louder isn’t better and force is just fear at the end of a rein. I recommend you start looking for another human now and ditch this one as quickly as possible.


Back from her trip

My human has returned. Her herd mate arrived at the barn with her and seemed quite put out that she wanted to spend time with me. What a lout. As if he has first claim to her affections, had he a cognizant thought in his head he would realize that I am the alpha male and he is just a follower. Pebbles explained it fairly well the other day by saying the males of the humans were actually like horses in that they follow a lead mare and serve no purpose other than breeding, unless they are gelded and can then lead productive lives. Perhaps my human’s herd mate is not gelded; need I suggest it? More Later

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Well, just when you think you know a horse, he gets all stuck up. Trooper now has a new owner; a pale human with a funny voice. Trooper says he’s imported and therefore a better rider than our old American ones. Oh, like suddenly he’s the most continental thing on four legs! I don’t think so! Anyhow, he offended Shorty with a comment about weekend cowboys, and Pebbles has stopped scratching his withers for him at turnout. Serves the old beast right. I can’t wait till he gets miscued and crossfires around the ring! Trooper's old owner is lettingit be known around the barn that he's shopping for a more sensitive horse, with faster responses. When Trooper hears that he'll bite his shoes off. More later

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Barn help

My human as taken a trip. I'm not sure what this involves but she will be gone for a few days. I hope she is not planning on cheating on me with another horse. I am left at the mercy of the barn helpers and intend to take this time to study their herd behaviors and social interactions. Foremost I notice they have, as a rule, unshaved whiskers, perhaps the better search for the manure in the shavings? They also seem the wear the same blue colored cloth covering their legs, there appears to be pouches on the back with strange white circles on them. Is this some kind of brand for identification in case they leave home? Is there a need to tag and sort barn helpers? What is their value on the black market? Another thing I notice is the universal headcovering comprised of a close fitting cloth bowl with a stiff bill in the front. These come in different colors, but from all appearances are more or less permanently attached to the individual's head, as I never see them removed. Some carry strange symbols which I heard referred to as a Team Logo. What do these symbols mean? Are they are grading system? What's a logo? More Later.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Trooper's quest for a new human

I have been watching Trooper’s trials with interest. Having to try so many riders before he finds one that fits. What a chore! Having to pick from the best of the worst. The screechy ones annoy me most. On a good note, Trooper isn’t much for apples and I have garnered several with sad eyes and charming nickers. These humans are SO easy to bribe. I await Trooper’s final decision with interest. Thankfully my human has worked out well and she has been easy to train. Of course one would hope for a Grand Prix level rider, but maybe someday. More later

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Weekend show

Went to a show this past weekend. What a chore! Personally, my human was the best turned out and the judge was blind and stupid too. How could he place that rumpled slob on the grey? His boots were so dirty and he lint all over his coat. My human has such nice calves and trim figure, she deserved a ribbon for presentation. Of course the big name horses could go in the arena dragging a dead body and still place. Darn politics. Blow one lead and your human pays for it by getting shunned in the line up.
I can't believe that stupid judge didn't mark my human higher for being able to stay put when the paper blew across the arena and I spooked. I was really frightened to death, but she stayed on. What was he thinking? She is a much better rider than the horse whose human just sat there and didn't do anything while the horse plodded along, acting like that piece of paper wasn't any big deal. I am so frustrated. More later.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Going to a show

Had a bath today. What is it about humans that they can’t stand to have water on their faces? One little shake produces screeching and jumping. You’d think she’d be desensitized by now. I have tried to get my human to accept water but she still shies away from it. It's not like she's going to melt or something. I’ll ask Shorty what is the best method for teaching them to stand, his human seems reasonably well trained around water. I also got a whisker and ear trim. I hate those clipper things, but I have to admit I look very handsome and sophisticated when trimmed up. As long as she doesn't start trying to clip designs in my coat I'll tolerate it. More Later

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Trading in your human

Trooper, the big Hanoverian, has finally had it with his human and is trading him in. The poor incompetent thing can't ride the fences and keeps refusing to ride a jump correctly. I don't blame Trooper a bit, a timid jumper is dangerous. I'm just glad my human isn't such a drub. Shorty said he had to go through three humans before he found one that was worth keeping. Gives you the cold chills to think about it. I thank my lucky stars mine is above average and not some human that has to have a lot of retraining. No one needs a project person, when all they want to do is have a nice relaxing ride. More later.